Week 13 Picks

Posted: December 4, 2011 by mzyohai in NFL, Picks
Tags: , , ,

I wish I could just hop in and start mocking Nick. I really do. But there’s a part of both of us that completely deserves mockery: we spaced on Thursday Night Football. So while I was packing for my trip to DC to see the Jets hopefully rip off Rex Grossman’s head and spit in the hole, Nick reminded me that we were neither watching the game nor had we made a pick.

As you probably know by now, the Eagles were gouged by the side-show of a football team that is the Seattle Seahawks. Philadelphia flew to the west coast expecting to see juggling bears, balancing elephants, and bearded ladies, but found only a beast named Marshawn Lynch and a surprisingly deft Tavaris Jackson at QB, despite a pectoral injury (of anyone to hurt his man-boob, Tarvaris would be the one). The only bearded lady on the field was the bitch, WR DeSean Jackson, who didn’t even turn his head toward the ball on a deep route. If we’re being fair, he probably didn’t turn his head because he didn’t want to watch Vince Young get picked off yet again on his way to four INTs.

Nick, I think you’re lucky this week that we A) forgot about the Thursday night game, and B) that the Eagles are so easy to hate on. I almost feel like I could go on ranting about how much that teams sucks, deserves to suck, and will suck for the rest of the season and hopefully beyond. I would say that the Philadelphia faithful will tar and feather this team and their head coach, but that seems oddly pointless for a feathered creature. Perhaps they’ll pluck them, flip the liberty bell over, and cook an eagle-stew (how patriotic!).

Regardless of how fast the Eagles are plummeting from their sky-high preseason hopes, you, Nick, still suck at picking games. Again, you failed to reach the .500 mark. Something is telling me that perhaps you’re losing on purpose, because nobody could possibly be this incapable of picking games. Maybe you just want to build up reserves of jokes and puns for the one glorious day somewhere off in the future when you actually pick some games correctly and get to write the introduction to the weekly picks. Or maybe you just love me so much that you’re waiting for the day when I get so bored of writing about your ineptitude that I ask you to write this post in praise of me. Yeah, that’s probably it. OK, Nick, I can accept your idiocy.

PSYCH!

Here they are, our weekly picks:

Philadelphia Eagles at Seattle Seahawks

Mike: Dude, where’s my beer?

Nick: (Burp.)

Tennessee Titans at Buffalo Bills

Mike: Titans (+1)

Nick: Titans (+1)

Kansas City Chiefs at Chicago Bears

Mike: Bears (-7)

Nick: Bears (-7)

Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins

Mike: Dolphins (-3)

Nick: Raiders (+3)

Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers

Mike: Steelers (-6.5)

Nick: Bengals (+6.5)

New York Jets at Washington Redskins

Mike: Jets (-2.5)

Nick: Jets (-2.5)

Atlanta Falcons at Houston Texans

Mike: Texans (+1.5)

Nick: Falcons (-1.5)

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Mike: Buccaneers (-2)

Nick: Panthers (+2)

Denver Broncos at Minnesota Vikings

Mike: Broncos (-1.5)

Nick: Broncos (-1.5)

Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots

Mike: Patriots (-20.5)

Nick: Patriots (-20.5)

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns

Mike: Ravens (-7)

Nick: Ravens (-7)

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers

Mike: Rams (+14)

Nick: 49ers (-14)

Dallas Cowboys at Arizona Cardinals

Mike: Cowboys (-4.5)

Nick: Cowboys (-4.5)

Green Bay Packers at New York Giants

Mike: Giants (+6.5)

Nick: Packers (-6.5)

Detroit Lions at New Orleans Saints

Mike: Lions (+9)

Nick: Saints (-9)

San Diego Chargers at Jacksonville Jaguars

Mike: Jaguars (+3)

Nick: Chargers (-3)

Last Week’s Results (Overall Record)

Mike: 8-8 (35-25-1)

Nick: 7-9 (30-30-1)

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