Posts Tagged ‘Wes Welker’

So the football season has come to an end. For both of us. Tragically for each of our respective teams, only a month apart. Now we have less than a month until free agency opens up. The Patriots are $20 million under the salary cap coming into the 2012 season… but that’s mostly because they have 20 players entering free agency. Considering that the Patriots had 18 undrafted free-agents playing on their Super Bowl team, this might be an interesting situation for them to see who they go after and what kind of team they want to put together.

But let’s take the departures first and examine who the Pats will pick up and who they will tell to pack up:

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It’s been a long time since we were here, Nick. Remember the good old days when we used to pick against the spread? Well, let me clarify, I would pick correctly against the spread and Nick would have done better to pick according to whether a Jaguar could take down a Dolphin in the wild. But the NFL’s postseason, unfortunately, is not determined by whose fans are better at gambling. Now I have to watch the Jets’ nemesis play their cross-town rival in the biggest game of the year.

Since this year’s Super Bowl will be an absolutely horrible experience for me regardless of the outcome, and since Nick has an insatiable thirst for sports gambling, he and I have put together a couple of ‘prop’ bets so that I have something to root for and Nick can potentially sweeten the experience of watching the Pats in the Super Bowl by winning some money.

So here they are folks, Roommate Rivals’ Super Bowl XLVI Props:

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Mike: Nick, I’m sure you’re relishing the fact that I have to write this preview with you while my Jets are in utter turmoil. You probably assume that I’m already resigning myself to a Patriots romp through the AFC. But, it’s amazing what a week without Patriots football will do to your memory… it makes me super optimistic about

TEEEEEEEEBBBBBBOOOOOOOWWWWWW!

Wait. That didn’t work last time. Maybe a new rally call will do:

ONE AND DONE! ONE AND DONE! ONE AND DONE! ONE AND DONE!

So, let’s hear it, Nick. How are the Pats going to win their first postseason game since before our 21st birthdays?

Nick: Come up with all the lame rally cries you want, but I’m supremely confident that the Pats will handle business this Saturday in Foxboro. Well, maybe supremely confident is a bit of an overstatement, because I’m always pessimistic (particularly when it comes to Boston sports) and there’s a 10% chance that some Supreme Being is pulling some serious strings to make Tebowmania an official religion.

So how will the Pats win this game, you ask? The way they have won every game this year: offense, offense, and more offense. And the possibility that Tebow will complete 6 whole passes this week. (more…)

Mike: If there was a trap game in the Pats’ remaining schedule, this is it. The turkey-stuffed Pats come into Philly, where the team with the most erratic group of bandwagon fans, has a chance to score back-to-back wins against winning teams. These teams are coming off wildly different games. The Eagles pulled off another upset in New Jersey on Sunday Night reminiscent of last year’s reprise of the Miracle in the Meadowlands. The Patriots choke-slammed the Chiefs last week, after giving the Boston Faithful some trepidations in the first quarter.

Nick: I’m not sure how you define a trap game, but this match-up against the Eagles doesn’t fit my definition (or Admiral Ackbar’s, for that matter). For me, a traditional trap game is when a team overlooks its upcoming game against a weaker team and turns an eye towards a tougher opponent down the road. The Patriots follow this week’s game in Philly with a home game against winless Indianapolis. For all the problems and shortcomings of the Dream Team this year, I hardly think the Pats are looking ahead in preparation for a showdown with Curtis Painter and the Colts. Besides, it’s a hallmark of Belichick’s teams to stay focused on the game at hand and not get caught up in past or future match-ups.

Mike: It’s a trap because I think it’s very possible for the Pats to be thinking playoffs and underestimating the level of desperation in Philly. But I think the Colts game is going to be an emotional one because the Pats will thoroughly enjoy a good beat down of the old thorn-in-the-side. They could look ahead to that as well. But I’ve already told you how I hate side-stories in sports. (more…)

Mike: Do you think Brady wears his UGGs when he has victory sex with Gisele? I think that’s where Sanchez got the idea to wear a sombrero while having “Oh, I lost the AFC Championship AGAIN” sex with 17-year-old girls.

Nick: That’s how I picture it. Wait, is that weird?

Mike: Um, yes.

But Brady’s going to have to slip on some cleats for this Sunday, because here come to middling Kansas City Chiefs. The Pats embark on a downhill attack into December with statistically the easiest schedule in the NFL. Together, Patriots opponents have a winning percentage of .381 through ten weeks. That kind of record usually bodes well for a team looking to make the playoffs. It usually bodes well for a team in the playoffs as well, but for counter examples, I refer you to the 2010 Seattle Seahawks, division champions of the WTF West.

This Kansas City team has been a mixed bag this year, though. They split their series with the Chargers, but we can probably chalk that one up as Philip Rivers’ great choking fiascoes. The Miami Dolphins held them to a field goal for their first win of the year. Kansas City blanked the Raiders, took down Minnesota and Indianapolis, and endured a mushroom stamping session from Buffalo and Detroit… the earlier version of those teams… you know the one, the version that won games.

Nick: The Chiefs….how do I put this lightly…suck. No matter how you look at it. (more…)

Mike: Can you sense the grin on my face right now?

Nick: Can you sense my desire to make that grin of yours literally shit-eating?

Mike:  Jets, Bills, and Pats are in a 3-way tie for supremacy in the AFC East, each with a record of 5-3. The Jets beat the Bills, the Bills beat the Patriots, the Patriots beat the Jets, and they will all certainly ransack the Dolphins… twice.

With the Bills in their rear-view mirror (do airplanes have mirrors?), the Jets showdown with the Pats in Jetlife stadium (I agree with you, Nick: screw corporate sponsorship) for the top-spot in the division on Sunday night.

Nick: It’s a clusterfuck of a rock-paper-scissors contest between these three teams, which is my way of saying: I don’t know which team gets to claim first place when one throws rock, one paper, and one scissors.  Being as depressed as I am after two straight losses, all this talk of RPS just makes me think about how I could end my misery with each implement.

Mike:  Coming out of Week 9, the Jets are playing the best football in the AFC East, but games are decided my match-ups, not by overall impression (kind of like RPS). With that said, Nick, let’s start with the easy stuff: special teams. (more…)

Mike and I do our best to defy our bias, computer simulations, and the difficulty of seeing into the future to predict who will come out on top in this Sunday’s grudge match between the New England Patriots and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Which of us will be right? And yes, one of us has to be correct. There is no gray area.

MIKE: This Sunday. 4:15 EST. Patriots at Steelers. Talk about a fucking match-up. The Steelers’ top-ranked defense against the Pats’ top-ranked offense. I obviously want to just launch into a rant about how much I hate both Big Rape Ben and Tommy-Boy. But I suppose I’ll resist for just a bit and see what the numbers show. (more…)